Dear Citizens,
It is my pleasure to inform you that this Friday, the 23rd of July, is National Atlantean Founding Celebration Day. The day we celebrate the original settlers of Atlantis.
Allow me to expound upon the history of the Atlantean Settlers, for those who have been out of school for a while.
In the year 1000, the very first Atlanteans came from Ireland to Atlantis. It was just a regular little island then, none of this super-special high-tech migrating stuff. Anyway. They came. They saw. They conquered. All that. They took the regular little island and turned it into a very nice place.
Without these original settlers, and all of those who followed, we would not have the wonderful society that we do now.
So. In order to celebrate this, several things are done.
On the morning of the 23rd, a country-wide singalong will be held. Yes, you will sing. No, you do not have a choice. At 0900 hours, everyone will be outside. Singing the NANA. (National Atlantean National Anthem, how's that for redundant?) If you have forgotten the words, the tune, or that we even had a NANA, please visit your local community center.
Then citizens will be required to attend or watch a broadcast of the NAPPV. If you do not know what that is, please visit your local community center to find out. And please, learn more about your country.
After the broadcast, citizens are free to go until dark falls, when waterworks and fireworks will be displayed. Mostly waterworks.
Some basic guidelines for the holiday will be posted in your local community center. If you cannot find one, please refer here: theatlanteancommunitycenter.blogspot.com.
Thank you.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Warning!
Dear Citizens,
White Collar has, by a very reliable source, been deemed hazardous to your health.
This does not mean I am banning it. Far from it, I think it's amazing.
But take precautions.
Anyway. If you watch it, you know what happened at the end of last season.
So far that's not going so well for Neal.
If you don't know, then you should watch it so you can know.
White Collar is amazing. End of story.
On a more official note:
The eggplant crisis has, for the time being, been averted. However, apparently permanent purple stains have been analyzed and found to contain radiation. One citizen who stepped in a large stain sprouted fairy wings and pointed ears.
Yes, I know, having fairy wings and pointed ears is pretty awesome, but that is probably not what the normal result would be. The NASW (National Atlantean Security Workers) will be sectioning off all stains.
Just avoid them for now.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
White Collar has, by a very reliable source, been deemed hazardous to your health.
This does not mean I am banning it. Far from it, I think it's amazing.
But take precautions.
Anyway. If you watch it, you know what happened at the end of last season.
So far that's not going so well for Neal.
If you don't know, then you should watch it so you can know.
White Collar is amazing. End of story.
On a more official note:
The eggplant crisis has, for the time being, been averted. However, apparently permanent purple stains have been analyzed and found to contain radiation. One citizen who stepped in a large stain sprouted fairy wings and pointed ears.
Yes, I know, having fairy wings and pointed ears is pretty awesome, but that is probably not what the normal result would be. The NASW (National Atlantean Security Workers) will be sectioning off all stains.
Just avoid them for now.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Announcing...
Dear Citizens,
There is one week and one hour until the season two premiere of White Collar.
You are required to go about the next week with joy and excitement. Anyone caught being unjoyful and unexcited will be sentenced to Ultimate Punishment. And they'll have to help clean roads.
You don't want to have to help clean roads. Our wonderful Giant Eggplants have decided to become spontaneously combustible. You'll be walking along and BAM! a giant purple explosion knocks you flat.
As you can see, this is a problem. So we have hired a consultant on Abnormal Agriculture to help with this problem.
Stay happy!
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
There is one week and one hour until the season two premiere of White Collar.
You are required to go about the next week with joy and excitement. Anyone caught being unjoyful and unexcited will be sentenced to Ultimate Punishment. And they'll have to help clean roads.
You don't want to have to help clean roads. Our wonderful Giant Eggplants have decided to become spontaneously combustible. You'll be walking along and BAM! a giant purple explosion knocks you flat.
As you can see, this is a problem. So we have hired a consultant on Abnormal Agriculture to help with this problem.
Stay happy!
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
Sunday, May 23, 2010
My Apologies
Citizens, it has been a while since I have had the time to make any official statements.
This is due, in a large part, to what we've taken to calling the "Eggplant Fiasco." Apparently some whack-job farmer, I mean, creative citizen decided to make a new sort of fertilizer for his eggplant fields.
Turns out it works very well. The eggplants are growing to ridiculous sizes and spreading, and some have even begun growing in the cities out of cracks in sidewalks. Needless to say this is causing troubles.
Our Atlantean Department of Agriculture is working on a solution, but in the meantime things will be busy around here.
I would like to take the time to remind you that while I haven't been around, the laws haven't changed. That being said, whoever has been spray-painting Calvin and Hobbes comics onto all the building sides, please cease and desist.
Even awesome graffiti is still unacceptable.
Thank you.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
This is due, in a large part, to what we've taken to calling the "Eggplant Fiasco." Apparently some whack-job farmer, I mean, creative citizen decided to make a new sort of fertilizer for his eggplant fields.
Turns out it works very well. The eggplants are growing to ridiculous sizes and spreading, and some have even begun growing in the cities out of cracks in sidewalks. Needless to say this is causing troubles.
Our Atlantean Department of Agriculture is working on a solution, but in the meantime things will be busy around here.
I would like to take the time to remind you that while I haven't been around, the laws haven't changed. That being said, whoever has been spray-painting Calvin and Hobbes comics onto all the building sides, please cease and desist.
Even awesome graffiti is still unacceptable.
Thank you.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Ultimate Punishment
Dear Citizens,
I have heard some questions circulating as to whether or not Ultimate Punishment is an actual threat to you.
It is.
Let me explain further as to what it is.
But first, we must discuss crimes and their severity. We'll start with the least severe and work our way up.
Spaghetti Squash Degree Crime: Not too bad, obviously you still shouldn't do them though. We'll usually go easy on you for these... They can be classified as "gray areas" sometimes. Some examples are coughing in people's hair, having a messy home on Inspection Day (after all, you had notice), and being a Merry Andrew. Typical punishments include two hours of Community service and a standard Annoyance Fee.
Sapsucker Degree Crime: A bit worse, though still not horribly serious. Examples include Public Tomfoolery (in Tomfoolery-Free areas), pickpocketing, and disrupting Atlantean Holidays. Punishment usually includes the same as Spaghetti Squash Degree crimes as well as a three page essay on Civil Behavior.
Elbow Degree Crime: This is where things get a bit worse. Some examples include reading Twilight, Petty Theft, leaving socks in the City Fountain, or Senseless (Though Not Serious) Violence. Punishment for these crimes include a Double Annoyance Fee, a trip to Anger Management Class, and a two page essay on Why Rudeness is Bad.
Hobgoblin Degree Crime: Worse. Much worse. Examples are Senseless (And Serious) Violence, possession of Contraband Items, refusal to comply with Atlantean Declarations, or Unauthorized Espionage. Punishment includes a long trip to the Anger Management Class, extensive fining, and possibly even revocation of Pie Privileges.
Anemone AKA GICBYDT (Goodness I Cannot Believe You Did That) Degree Crime: Pretty much the highest level of Crime. Wrongdoings Against Your Fellow Man, abuse of Library books, soggy waffles, and use of the word "relish" are examples. The Highest Crime in this category of Highest Crimes is... Speaking out* against White Collar, and specifically Neal Caffrey. Punishment for the above crimes is... Ultimate Punishment**.
Now, to explain Ultimate Punishment**.
It begins with a Heavy Fine. Very heavy. In fact, the paper the number is written on weighs over fifteen pounds in order to hold all the numbers. (Obviously this is in Atlantean Standard Dollars).
Next, a pair of very... shall we say "cheery" guards will escort you to the Happy Therapy Club, where you will attend three hour sessions for at least four days.
After your Therapy Club time, you will join me for dinner, where you and I will have an extensive "chat" about Neal Caffrey, by the end of which you will be convinced of his amazingness. At least you'd better be.
Once dinner is over, you will probably be tired. So you will be allowed to sleep until Happy Therapy Club the next morning. But it will certainly be a troubled sleep as your conscience eats away at you.
Then you will be fortunate enough to be a fitting model for the new Deluxe!Chicken Suit. It is a joy to see oneself in a chicken suit, to be sure.
Over the next three days you will have opportunities to have a couple more chats with me, more Happy Therapy Club sessions, and time for a lot of essay-writing and Community service. General Anger Management classes or Rudeness Prevention Courses will likely be included.
At the end of the mandatory four days, you will be given a test that will assess whether or not you are ready to re-enter society. If you fail the test, you will be kept back. If you pass, you will be released after a session with a Financial Manager who will help you find a way to pay off the Heavy Fine.
If you answer every question correctly but the last one, you will be failed. The last question, of course, is this:
Is Neal Caffrey Amazing? (Yes) (No)
Those who circle no have a White Collar marathon in their futures...
But, anyway, Ultimate Punishment isn't pleasant. Happy Therapy Club... isn't actually that Happy.
Have a nice day.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
*Atlantis isn't a Democracy. If I say you like something, you like it. Or at the very least you pretend to. Or at the very very least you keep your mouth shut about your negative opinions.
**Your Supreme Ruler reserves the right to give out Ultimate Punishment for any crime (with approval from a very biased Jury, of course), and also to wave punishment when she sees fit.
I have heard some questions circulating as to whether or not Ultimate Punishment is an actual threat to you.
It is.
Let me explain further as to what it is.
But first, we must discuss crimes and their severity. We'll start with the least severe and work our way up.
Spaghetti Squash Degree Crime: Not too bad, obviously you still shouldn't do them though. We'll usually go easy on you for these... They can be classified as "gray areas" sometimes. Some examples are coughing in people's hair, having a messy home on Inspection Day (after all, you had notice), and being a Merry Andrew. Typical punishments include two hours of Community service and a standard Annoyance Fee.
Sapsucker Degree Crime: A bit worse, though still not horribly serious. Examples include Public Tomfoolery (in Tomfoolery-Free areas), pickpocketing, and disrupting Atlantean Holidays. Punishment usually includes the same as Spaghetti Squash Degree crimes as well as a three page essay on Civil Behavior.
Elbow Degree Crime: This is where things get a bit worse. Some examples include reading Twilight, Petty Theft, leaving socks in the City Fountain, or Senseless (Though Not Serious) Violence. Punishment for these crimes include a Double Annoyance Fee, a trip to Anger Management Class, and a two page essay on Why Rudeness is Bad.
Hobgoblin Degree Crime: Worse. Much worse. Examples are Senseless (And Serious) Violence, possession of Contraband Items, refusal to comply with Atlantean Declarations, or Unauthorized Espionage. Punishment includes a long trip to the Anger Management Class, extensive fining, and possibly even revocation of Pie Privileges.
Anemone AKA GICBYDT (Goodness I Cannot Believe You Did That) Degree Crime: Pretty much the highest level of Crime. Wrongdoings Against Your Fellow Man, abuse of Library books, soggy waffles, and use of the word "relish" are examples. The Highest Crime in this category of Highest Crimes is... Speaking out* against White Collar, and specifically Neal Caffrey. Punishment for the above crimes is... Ultimate Punishment**.
Now, to explain Ultimate Punishment**.
It begins with a Heavy Fine. Very heavy. In fact, the paper the number is written on weighs over fifteen pounds in order to hold all the numbers. (Obviously this is in Atlantean Standard Dollars).
Next, a pair of very... shall we say "cheery" guards will escort you to the Happy Therapy Club, where you will attend three hour sessions for at least four days.
After your Therapy Club time, you will join me for dinner, where you and I will have an extensive "chat" about Neal Caffrey, by the end of which you will be convinced of his amazingness. At least you'd better be.
Once dinner is over, you will probably be tired. So you will be allowed to sleep until Happy Therapy Club the next morning. But it will certainly be a troubled sleep as your conscience eats away at you.
Then you will be fortunate enough to be a fitting model for the new Deluxe!Chicken Suit. It is a joy to see oneself in a chicken suit, to be sure.
Over the next three days you will have opportunities to have a couple more chats with me, more Happy Therapy Club sessions, and time for a lot of essay-writing and Community service. General Anger Management classes or Rudeness Prevention Courses will likely be included.
At the end of the mandatory four days, you will be given a test that will assess whether or not you are ready to re-enter society. If you fail the test, you will be kept back. If you pass, you will be released after a session with a Financial Manager who will help you find a way to pay off the Heavy Fine.
If you answer every question correctly but the last one, you will be failed. The last question, of course, is this:
Is Neal Caffrey Amazing? (Yes) (No)
Those who circle no have a White Collar marathon in their futures...
But, anyway, Ultimate Punishment isn't pleasant. Happy Therapy Club... isn't actually that Happy.
Have a nice day.
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
*Atlantis isn't a Democracy. If I say you like something, you like it. Or at the very least you pretend to. Or at the very very least you keep your mouth shut about your negative opinions.
**Your Supreme Ruler reserves the right to give out Ultimate Punishment for any crime (with approval from a very biased Jury, of course), and also to wave punishment when she sees fit.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Announcing: NAACD
Alrighty, Citizens.
Today was (still is) National Atlantean Amazingness Celebration Day!
This holiday was founded in honor of Neal Caffrey*, who is, indeed, amazing! We all know it.
Okay, fine, this was also founded in honor of his FBI partner, Peter Burke, and amazing people everywhere!
...but mostly Neal.
For those of you who don't know who Neal Caffrey is, you're missing out. A lot. He is from the TV show White Collar.**
Anyway.
The treat for this holiday is delicious. They are called Neal Caffrey Amazing Cookie Bars!
They're not just amazing, they're Neal Caffrey amazing.
Here is the recipe:
Makes about 36 cookie bars.
1/2 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cups graham cracker cups
1 (14 oz.) can of sweetened condensed milk
2 cups chocolate chips
1 1/3 cups shredded coconut
1 cup nuts (optional)
Spray a 9x13 pan lightly with cooking spray. Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine butter and graham cracker crumbs and press into the bottom of the pan. Pour the sweetened condensed milk over and even it out. Layer the chocolate chips and coconut (and nuts) in. Press down slightly for best results. Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool well before cutting and serving. They are amazing and will go fast!
I hope you all enjoy your holiday!
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
*Anyone who disses Neal Caffrey will face Ultimate Punishment.
**White Collar is a show on USA Network. I do not own it or Neal Caffrey or Peter Burke. I encourage everyone to watch it, though. It's simply amazing. I watched the season one finale today and almost died. Anyway. Goodbye.
Today was (still is) National Atlantean Amazingness Celebration Day!
This holiday was founded in honor of Neal Caffrey*, who is, indeed, amazing! We all know it.
Okay, fine, this was also founded in honor of his FBI partner, Peter Burke, and amazing people everywhere!
...but mostly Neal.
For those of you who don't know who Neal Caffrey is, you're missing out. A lot. He is from the TV show White Collar.**
Anyway.
The treat for this holiday is delicious. They are called Neal Caffrey Amazing Cookie Bars!
They're not just amazing, they're Neal Caffrey amazing.
Here is the recipe:
Makes about 36 cookie bars.
1/2 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cups graham cracker cups
1 (14 oz.) can of sweetened condensed milk
2 cups chocolate chips
1 1/3 cups shredded coconut
1 cup nuts (optional)
Spray a 9x13 pan lightly with cooking spray. Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine butter and graham cracker crumbs and press into the bottom of the pan. Pour the sweetened condensed milk over and even it out. Layer the chocolate chips and coconut (and nuts) in. Press down slightly for best results. Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool well before cutting and serving. They are amazing and will go fast!
I hope you all enjoy your holiday!
Holly Watson
Supreme Ruler
Atlantis
*Anyone who disses Neal Caffrey will face Ultimate Punishment.
**White Collar is a show on USA Network. I do not own it or Neal Caffrey or Peter Burke. I encourage everyone to watch it, though. It's simply amazing. I watched the season one finale today and almost died. Anyway. Goodbye.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
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